Pushy Parenting

I'm beginning to think I might be one of those pushy parents. I'm pretty convinced one of my friends thinks I am. You see, my daughter's been at nursery since she was a year old, she's now three. All of her friends the same age are only just now going, which would be fine but I sent her to nursery mainly for the social aspect and the structure, not because I needed the childcare.

Recently I've started Moo on learning her letters, phonics etc. when I mentioned this o my friend, she was shocked that I would be staring something so early. Obviously I don't consider three too early to start the learning-to-read journey, but even her nursery teacher said it was perfectly normal for children to go to school not knowing their alphabet. Moo's been leaning the very basics in phonics since she was two (through toys), it's only now I'm starting to get serious with books, flash cards etc. we have the Biff, Chip & Kipper starter set and cards as well as the first stage Letterland book.

Which leads me to wonder...am I a pushy parent? Moo's been learning the very basics in phonics since she was two (through toys), it's only now I'm starting to get serious with books, flash cards etc. we have the Biff, Chip & Kipper starter set and cards as well as the first stage Letterland book. When did everyone else start?

Clare

Bad Day

Sunday sucked. I went against my instincts, caused myself no–end of stress and wasted time and money on a journey I didn't need to take.

Bear had been poorly for a few days, a cold we had ALL caught from his sister, and on Sunday morning, I was struggling to console him with it. All he had as a cough and a runny nose, I knew it was nothing but I think being sat there on my own, which is rare for me, made me doubt myself.

I know there will be people reading this that will be thinking what the big deal is? That they're on their own with two, three, even four children from 8-6 whilst their husband works, but I'm not used to that as my husband works a handful of hours of the day out of the house and the rest he does from home. I suppose the fact that my husband is never far is my safety net.

On Saturday and Sunday this weekend he was running classes in the morning and then birthday parties in the afternoon, so was gone for hours.

So I called 111 and asked their advice. Because of Bear's age (ten weeks), they referred me to the out of hours clinic at the hospital and told me to head down. I had a problem. I don't drive and though the hospital isn't far, it's too far for Moo to walk...but I had no one to watch her as my mother-in-law was in hospital and her mother was away in Jersey. I couldn't get ahold of my husband who was working, and I ended up calling another relative.

It was hard, stressful work...only to be told what I knew all along; he was fine, it's viral and will clear on it's own. I could've saved myself taxi fare, our relative's day and myself a lot of stress if I had just gone with my instincts but I felt vulnerable with them on my own...for the first time I felt like I wasn't capable. It's one thing to be late or unorganised, another to be useless and out of depth over something so simple.

I've got to work on my crisis control and remember to follow my instincts.

Clare 

Take Care of You

'Person or dragon, tiny or tall. Sometimes we stumble and sometimes we fall. Everyone gets hurt sometimes.'

Yes, the wonderfully poignant line above comes from the ever-charming Disney cartoon 'Doc McStuffins', a television show aimed at pre-schoolers about a little girl who is a doctor to toys. I learn a lot from Doc and her little gang of stuffed comrades, but today I want to talk about something that even I needed reminding; how to take care of myself.

Any parent will know that when you have a baby, you lose your marbles a bit and forget things. When it's a subsequent child, double that confusion and general uselessness! As I've mentioned on here before I have become slow, unorganised and my life has been thrown into chaos. Utter chaos. Where before my kitchen was spotless, my daughter's room tidy and my laundry neatly folded, I now forget to have a shower on occasion. 

But it's so much worse than this.mif you follow me on Twitter then you might've seen that I was recently quite unwell. From dehydration and exhaustion. Yes, the latter is to be expected with a breast-fed newborn who feeds loads, but the former? Well yes...you guessed it. I was forgetting to drink. I was so wrapped up in looking after my two little angels, showing them off, keeping up with my friends (most of which have one if any children) that I was forgetting to look after myself. It took me over a week to get my fluid levels back up to where they should be and the headaches and dizziness to stop. A one point it was so bad, I fell down the stairs at 5am with Bear in my arms. Both of us were unharmed for the most part; I sprained my ankle and knee...Bear thought it was great fun!

I'm twenty-seven years old, how can I forget to drink? Everyone asked me how I could possibly of just not been drinking? I really don't have a valid reason. My children just became too important for me to look after myself properly.

But that's the problem. My children are my world, I would literally do anything for them, like any other parent, but what use to them am I if I'm so unwell I can't do anything for them? If I can't play or read to them or even bend down to give them a bath?

That's why, taking care of yourself when you're pregnant, a new mother or an old hand at parenting, is so, so important. You are not neglecting your children by taking 'me' time. You're doing them a favour. I needed to learn the hard way that in order to put my children first, I had to come a close second!

Take care of you!

Clare

My Parenting Secrets

There's an elephant in the room when it typically comes to groups of parents getting together. I'm talking about the competitiveness. The one-up-manship. The judgement. 

I like to think that my closest friends and I don't participate in this, however I will hold my hands up and say that inwardly I have judged parents who I am not that close to. When my friend's daughter didn't walk until nearly two and mine started at nine months, I can honestly say that not once did I think how much better mine was over hers, we constantly reassured her that she was just into different things and I know I was quietly concerned, not smug.

Unfortunately, not everyone is like this and a relative recently confided that her best friend regularly makes digs about how her daughter still sleeps in their room at nineteen months. While that's not for me and yes, I'll admit, it's not conventional, I'd certainly never say it to her face and make her feel as if she were in the wrong. Nobody's at harm, right?

So, with this in mind I'd like to step forward and offer up ten of my parenting secrets that either make me a really bad or a really good mum, depending in where you stand!

1. My toddler's rarely allowed juice. Only on special occasions and only then with food. It's water or milk in our house.

2. I prefer my children to not have too many character or branded items of clothing. I prefer plain, neutral or non-labelled items, too many cartoon characters in my opinion is tacky. The same goes for toys and books too. I much prefer to encourage my children to embrace and use their imagination, create their own characters or when reading a book, imagine what that character might've looked like without television or film dictating it already. Typically, I don't buy such items myself, but leave it to family and friends as it's easier to tell people what they like by listing characters and films

3. I let my toddler eat some meals on the sofa and she often eats at a separate time from us. And all with the television on...

4. Toddler only wears her pyjamas all day if she is ill. The baby rarely leaves the house in his sleep suit.

5. I have absolutely no issues telling your child off along with mine if I see them fighting.

6. Sometimes I let my toddler watch cartoons on my iPad in bed so I can eat my dinner in peace.

7. I'm a cuddler, I cuddled my eldest to sleep until she was over a year and I'm doing the same with my youngest. I don't think it does any harm for your children to know you love them. 

8. My toddler regularly sneaks into my bed at night and snuggles with us. I'm okay with this. Most of the time. Sometimes baby joins us too. Four in the bed and the little one said...

9. If the baby drops his dummy on the floor (indoors) I pop it in my mouth and then give it back. 

10. Until recently my toddler still had a dummy at night. She still has a bottle at bed. She's three.

So there, I've revealed what I think puts me in last place in the mummy race...but yknow what? My children are clean, healthy and happy. So what if my toddler can name all ten Disney Princesses but forgets to take her knickers off at the toilet sometimes? And so what if my baby laundry is constantly piled high because I dress him so much? We function well.

Would anyone like to share their 'parenting secret'?

Clare

P.S. I swaddle my baby too...and he loves it!

Parenting with Anxiety

I have always been of a nervous disposition, ever since I was a child. I was shy, withdrawn, paranoid and socially awkward. There was a reason for this, it's not one that I wish to share just yet (if at all). As I got older, left school and went to college, I pushed through it all and for a few years, managed to grab ahold of some semblance of a normal life, free from irrational and unfounded fears. I say 'free', I still dreaded going to work, thinking I was in trouble. I'd done nothing wrong, I liked my job, it paid well, and had been given no warning that I was in trouble...yet every shift, I had butterflies thinking that I had forgotten/missed something.

It's a horrible, horrible way to live and sabotaged many an opportunity. 

Looking back, I'm impressed with myself, with what I achieved and the progression I made in my career before becoming pregnant with Moo, I handled some difficult things whilst working with children and I know that the me now would struggle with some of the things I encountered back then. Looking at myself now, I wouldn't think I was the same person.

My first pregnancy wasn't so bad, but once she was born, I was struck with the most awful fear of everything. The first night I brought her home, I cried for about half-an-hour worrying over her inverted jaw and whether or not she'd be bullied at school. I barely slept the first week for fear of SIDS and I'm sure that it was exhaustion that got me through the first six months of her life with sleep. I couldn't get down the stairs without imagining falling and dropping her, of hurting her...and then as she grew, it expanded to myself. I find it difficult to walk down the street for fear of falling into the road, I don't drive for fear I might have an accident and harm someone else...a rarely eat when alone in the house in case I choke...becoming a mother brought a whole new realm of fear to my life...one that has upped it's game since having a second baby. The constant fear of the dreaded SIDS is back, despite my religious following of all of the advice and guidelines...I still imagine falling down the stairs, or my new one, dropping him over the banister in the dark and the butterflies in my tummy when I think I'm in 'trouble' extend to all destinations...friends and relatives houses included.

I know that mental-health problems are quite openly discussed in parenting circles and I do talk to my parent friends about my anxiety but it doesn't stop me from feeling like a failure and it doesn't stop the constant paranoid that any day, any second, I could lose one or both of them to something I can't protect them from.

I wish I could tell you what my coping mechanisms are, how I control it...but I homestly don't have an answer...I just do. I have two options; collapse into a puddle of quivering fear on the floor and try to hide from it all, or I can stand up tall, accept that what happens, will happen and be the best mother I can be to the children that I chose to bring into the world. I get up, I go to work, I earn my money and set an example to the people that I selfishly gave birth to. I show them that you can overcome your past, that you can get through things and that having a problem, doesn't mean hat your life has to stop, in fact, it should dive you harder to carry on.

I'm not a gracious loser and yes, I live in fear constantly, but I like to think that I parent with the best of them! I am winning at this and my anxiety knows it...and is running scared!

Clare

'5 Things...' Learning From My Mistakes

Like everyone, I've made some mistakes in my life and now that I'm twenty-seven I can look back on them and think 'hmmm...I could've done that better'. You can't change the things you have/haven't done, but you can encourage your children to learn from your mistakes without being a controlling, super-freak. Today's post is all about the five things I would fall over myself to encourage Moo not to do...

1. Give up easily.

I didn't do well in GCSEs, I only did one year of A-levels and I dropped out of university. Twice. I have had job, after job in low-paid retail despite management experience, why? Because I give up easily. I get bored, I get stressed, I freak out, lose control and mess it up. I never pushed myself, when things got hard or boring, I cut and run.

2. Stay silent.

If someone is hurting her/upsetting her. I want her to speak up and tell someone, anyone, it doesn't have to be me. I will raise her to know that no matter what, she can tell me anything and everything.

3. Not be true to herself to avoid confrontation.

Growing up I would often stay quiet to make life easy on myself, I would take hurtful comments and opinions and just wait until I was alone to feel sorry for myself. Not only did this do me some serious damage later on in regards to depression, it did my strength of character no favours being a push-over.

4. Forget her dream.

I once had a talent that I practised every day. The last time I picked up a pencil and drew something was...about a year ago. Between work, parenthood, my social life, my husband's business and blogging, I don't have time for much and I'm ashamed o say it's been even longer since I set foot in a gallery, which was once my greatest passion.

5. Rush.

I am notoriously impatient and by rushing through or into things, I've made a lot of mistakes...and missed a lot of opportunities. Nothing to be proud of.

And three things that I did that I would openly encourage her to do...

1. Get out and away.

I didn't discover who I really was until I got away from everything. Because I left university early, I never really found that out, even moving out and in with a boyfriend taught me little (except how to survive being very poor)...it wasn't until a friend and I packed our bags, said goodbye to the places that we grew up in and the bad memories and went and explored. There were tears, there were arguments and there were some rough times but I made some fantastic, life-long and best friends, found out who I really was and met my husband. I worked seasonal jobs for two years and they were the best two years of my life. Whatever Moo chooses to do with her life, I would encourage her to get out of the place she grew up in and see something other than her doorstep. It may literally be the making of her.

2. Take risks.

Sure, they won't always pay off but she will learn from them and discover wonderful things.

3. Break a heart and have it done right back.

It's a humbling and unpleasant experience, but it needs to be done. Doesn't need to be a lover, could be a friend or family member...until someone has handed you your heart in pieces, you've not lived. In the same respect, you need to break a heart to learn strength, I think.

Clare